Letters of Forgiveness, Completion and Love...

A Letter From My Daughter-----
Mom from the time that I was 14 yrs old till about landmark and this moment I always believed that u were holding mi back from exploring the world. But now that I am grown I see that u were just trying to protect me. I have witnessed the last 18 years of your life and though I did not experience it like you did I experienced them through your eyes. You countlessly told me your story but I never understood it till now. As I sit and read this dedication from your book for the 100 time with pride I can honestly say at the end of it us u saved us both. With everything u have experienced in your life u saved me from the worst.. But no matter what no even I or god could save me from the bad. Mother though u didn't make promises or broke some the ones u kept were the worth a life time. And though you were absent, that made me cherish you more than life its self. Mother I look at my accomplishments and life and thank you for them because it is because of u and andrea that I had the perseveriance to never want to give up. Your fight and struggle to keep me safe have lead to all my great achievements. You are a wonderful mother and though sometimes I may hate you afterwards I love 10 times more. Remember you are my heroe and inspiration n because of u and mom I have made it this far and continue to want to be more than I can be. Just wanted to take the time out to tell you I love you and that u are doing a wonderful job as my mother if I do say so myself :).. You are one of a kind, powerful, beautiful, and talented just like me :)... And don't worry I promise all that u have gone through in life will all be payed off at the end because you deserve it.. I love you mom :)

A Mothers Repsonse......
My beautiful daughter, This message came at a perfect time. I know that it seems like we are worlds apart and so much has changed but it hasnt really. I still think about you everyday and pray that you are okay. I am so proud of you for every unique thing that sets you apart from me. I made this move to leave my own mother and move away to start my own life and it worse than being a teen mom. this has been the biggest step in my life and the hardest thing I have ever had to do. I am scared and miss my mom and our family tremendously. But I knew if you can do it so can I. At 18 you have done things I have never done and at 18 I had done things you will never do and that is what makes us mother and daughter. Thankyou for such a beautiful note. I will carry it with me and will look at it whenever I go into my story that Im not good enough, guilt, shame, im not a good mom etc. I couldn't have asked the universe for such a talented and beautiful daughter. You are a ray of sunshine and you are taking the world by surprise. But remember you dont need to live up to anything or anyone. You are you and you have your own destiny that has nothing to do with me but a destiny you will share with your own kids. I will love you no matter hwo you show up or where you end up, I will love you whether you get good grades or not, loose wight or not, In my eyes you already made it. I love youyour momDEE P.S Even though we are miles apart I am here for you. You have a space next to me in my bed. You have a warm house you can come to anytime.In a message dated 11/5/2009 2:22:15 A.M.

Thanksgiving, Thankskilling......

Thanks Giving Thanks Killing Thanks for killing me softly Thanks for killing them softly So soft that no one heard the cries My cries when “he” passed away When I learned about how “they” passed away Taken away so suddenly that is how it happened I remember it like it was yesterday… I woke up to prepare a thanksgiving feast for my family I couldn’t start though, my spirit needed something from me It told me I couldn’t do anything until my home was dressed in white and so in search I went Down broadway to buy white kitchen curtains, bathroom curtains, white table cloths and fabric for the white altar I was going to put up with the abundance of white flowers I had just bought In one hand I had the flowers and the other the aqua Florida What I didn’t know was that I had not walked through Broadway alone, he, they, had walked with me Guided me all the way, they, he, had chosen the flowers and the fabric They, had set the stage and through me he, had prepared his own altar in my house He knew that on this day he would die, they knew that on this day we had to acknowledge their death And so I did it—I built the altar, prepared my home without knowing that I was saying goodbye to my dad That even through his death he was taking care of me and so I cooked and cleaned and cooked and cleaned until I got the phone call He waited , he waited till I had finished , he set up our home to ground me for the news I was about to hear Nov 24th, 2006 my dad passed away On thanksgiving day many years ago someone declared this day a holiday in celebration of a massacre, a genocide of a people Thanks giving Thanks killing, thanks for killing Thanks for killing a human race Breaking the bond of a father and motherless daughter Thanksgiving redefined So for the past 3 years I sit here as if it happening all over again, the call, the news, I prepare to relive it as if it happened today And I wonder on this day of giving thanks will there ever be a time Where the hurt of the people we have lost, whether we knew them or not Doesn’t hurt as bad I wonder on this thanks giving day will there ever be time When I can look up to the sky and give thanks for the death of my dad