This Book is Dedicated to My Daughter....

Title: The Battle to Save My Daughters SOUL

This book is dedicated to my beautiful daughter Andreayna Marte & To all the young womyn in the Fuerza/Power program who taught me how not to loose hope and reflected back to me an inner strength and power that you can not learn or read about anywhere!

Dear Eayna,

You are 14 yrs old now and no matter how much I prepared myself, no matter how ready I thought I was, there was never a chance on this earth that I would have been prepared for this year or the years that lay ahead for me and you.

I have dedicated my life’s work to creating a space for young womyn to create possibilities for them selves, to heal, to empower and transform the way they think, the critically think about the information they learn and create choices and alternatives to the world they live in.

Its been seven years since I made that agreement with myself and no body more than you and your brother have felt the affects of my lifes work. For the past seven years, I have broken down, broken through, broken down, broken through again and again and again…I have been the best mom and the worst mom, I have been here and there and no where, I have been happy and depressed, angry and in rage. I have broken promises and or never made any because I couldn’t keep them. I have taken days off to see your Christmas shows and take care of you after school and then
there where times you didn’t see me at all. (written 4 years ago)

Now you are 17, and I thought the worst was behind us but at 14 it had just begun. Espe told me one day by the river that this journey of motherhood with you was not about you at all, but about me. As I cried with her on Riverside for the millionth time about wanting to protect you from the world, she told me I had just started a long battle to save your soul. Hence, the name of the book.

Well she was right, for the past 4 years I have battled you, the world & the contradictions I live of having you at such a young age of 15 and raising myself and you, two young women in such a violent world . However, at the end of the journey it was not you that was saved it was me!

That battle I was waging was not about you at all, as i fought with you I fought myself , it was like looking in the mirror at myself, my mistakes, my pain, my regrets, my past. In raising you I got the opporuntity to raise myself again.

Thankyou for this opporunity to be your mom, for trusting me as your mother, for your unconditional love, for not judging me and for standing with me through this journey of self love. We both have transformed into beautiful women!

In bold Rebirth

Your Mom, DEE


Me and My Daughter

Me and My Daughter

A Battle to Save My Daughter Soul...& Find My Spirit in the Process!

Its a story about me, motherhood, the women in my life, child sexual abuse, adoption, bieng a lesbian, domestic violence and prostitution. Its about how I learned to be mother, how our moms choices shape who we are as lovers, in relationships and as parents. Its a Latinas story of two cultures as she raises her daughter and finds herself. Its a story of healing, freedom , self love and sisterhood.

Monday, December 14, 2009

Letters of Forgiveness, Completion and Love...

A Letter From My Daughter-----
Mom from the time that I was 14 yrs old till about landmark and this moment I always believed that u were holding mi back from exploring the world. But now that I am grown I see that u were just trying to protect me. I have witnessed the last 18 years of your life and though I did not experience it like you did I experienced them through your eyes. You countlessly told me your story but I never understood it till now. As I sit and read this dedication from your book for the 100 time with pride I can honestly say at the end of it us u saved us both. With everything u have experienced in your life u saved me from the worst.. But no matter what no even I or god could save me from the bad. Mother though u didn't make promises or broke some the ones u kept were the worth a life time. And though you were absent, that made me cherish you more than life its self. Mother I look at my accomplishments and life and thank you for them because it is because of u and andrea that I had the perseveriance to never want to give up. Your fight and struggle to keep me safe have lead to all my great achievements. You are a wonderful mother and though sometimes I may hate you afterwards I love 10 times more. Remember you are my heroe and inspiration n because of u and mom I have made it this far and continue to want to be more than I can be. Just wanted to take the time out to tell you I love you and that u are doing a wonderful job as my mother if I do say so myself :).. You are one of a kind, powerful, beautiful, and talented just like me :)... And don't worry I promise all that u have gone through in life will all be payed off at the end because you deserve it.. I love you mom :)

A Mothers Repsonse......
My beautiful daughter, This message came at a perfect time. I know that it seems like we are worlds apart and so much has changed but it hasnt really. I still think about you everyday and pray that you are okay. I am so proud of you for every unique thing that sets you apart from me. I made this move to leave my own mother and move away to start my own life and it worse than being a teen mom. this has been the biggest step in my life and the hardest thing I have ever had to do. I am scared and miss my mom and our family tremendously. But I knew if you can do it so can I. At 18 you have done things I have never done and at 18 I had done things you will never do and that is what makes us mother and daughter. Thankyou for such a beautiful note. I will carry it with me and will look at it whenever I go into my story that Im not good enough, guilt, shame, im not a good mom etc. I couldn't have asked the universe for such a talented and beautiful daughter. You are a ray of sunshine and you are taking the world by surprise. But remember you dont need to live up to anything or anyone. You are you and you have your own destiny that has nothing to do with me but a destiny you will share with your own kids. I will love you no matter hwo you show up or where you end up, I will love you whether you get good grades or not, loose wight or not, In my eyes you already made it. I love youyour momDEE P.S Even though we are miles apart I am here for you. You have a space next to me in my bed. You have a warm house you can come to anytime.In a message dated 11/5/2009 2:22:15 A.M.
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